Solitude with Attitude

How do you disentangle your desires from others?

All of my dreams are so dependent on other people, family, friends, loves. I cannot think of a single dream that would not be enriched by being shared with another person.

Yet, other people are notoriously unreliable. Is there any dream I can have that would be better alone?

I am a highly un-solitary creature. I understand that most people value their ‘alone time.’
Well what do you do with your alone time you oysters?
Watch trashy TV?
Read?
Clean?

Yes these are all things I do when I am alone, I mean completely alone, because when I feel lonely I often go where other people are. My favorite ‘solitary activities’ are shopping and people watching.

But when I am truly alone I simply do things to fill my time until I don’t have to be alone anymore. This isn’t good.

Simply filling time is a good way to watch your life slide by.

I don’t get sick of people. This seems like a rather boring talent but truly I would rather spend time with someone I find irritating then be alone. It’s the whole – other heart beat thing—I like to feel another heart beat in the house.

Does this speak to my character? Am I so terribly boring that I cannot bare to be alone with my self for more than an afternoon?

Well this isn’t true, I can be alone for long periods of time---on Cape Cod, or in the black hole of depression--- I can be alone like a champ.

I feel that my discomfort being alone makes me high maintenance.

COME BE IN MY PRESENCE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

Anyway…I’m alone in Bliss, the store where I work. I’ve been alone in my house for a month. All I can think about is being with people. But tonight I know will end with my nightly lonely routine;

Standing naked in the middle of the kitchen and eating toast or whatever other random thing I find. (a single egg and tuna sans mayo)
Sit in the shower and sing to myself
Read
Fall asleep curled around lap top while West Wing plays in the back ground

Oouuff it sounds even sadder when I type it out.

So instead tonight my alone activities will be;

Eat something amazing while fully clothed and sitting at kitchen table!!!
Take an epic bath with bubbles and rubber duckys!!!
Read!!! (reading doesn’t need much embellishment)
Fall asleep from exhaustion due to my own awesomeness (while West Wing plays in the back ground)!!!!!

Fuck Yea Solitude!!!