Threesomes for everyone!

Could it be that the person we are all looking for is ourselves? My friend Elliot suggested this strange notion to me a month or so ago and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. When I think of my person, that one person that Disney and Jane Austen promised me, could it be that I am looking for myself?

When I drive around aimlessly wishing I had someone in the passenger seat. When I look at strips of photo booth lovers and long for silly love. When I realize all my friends are in relationships. When I think of traveling alone. When I read a really amazing new book. When my skin aches to be touched. When the narrative in my head isn’t directed at anyone. When I see those cozy white hotel robes. At every meal I have alone. In my big bed.

Is it possible this perfect other person is me? If I could reach a point where I am enough would this loneliness go away? Would all of these activities and seemingly insignificant moments be simply enough for me alone?

If I loved myself enough would I need love?

Ummm….yes. Yes I would. Because while there are activities I enjoy doing by myself (going to the movies, driving around aimlessly, eating mass amounts of toast). However, there will always be times when the experience would be enriched by having someone’s hand to hold.

But I do think Elliot is on to something. That person in our head, the perfect person, does not exist outside of our selves. It is a manifestation of our every desire our every thought and therefore it is, in a way, us. So that person will never exist as we would hope because it already does, in us. So what we really need is to love ourselves enough to fill in the gaps. When we find someone who fulfills most of our needs (who understands that I cannot speak before coffee and would much rather watch Star Trek in bed than just about anything) then the person in our head, we, have enough love for ourselves to let the realistic love of someone else be enough.

So it’s really like a threesome. You, the’ perfect- person- in- your- head- love- of- yourself’, and your ‘as- close- as- you- can- get- real- person’.

You always need to have two loves for romantic love to work. You have to love yourself enough to be loved.